my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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