So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
