My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
