the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
