I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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