she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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