Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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