I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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