someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
