in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
