Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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