I puked a lego.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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