my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
