so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
