Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
