I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
please don't ironically join a cult
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