Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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