Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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