my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
