I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
