I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
