Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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