I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
