i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Randomize
