no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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