So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
