Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
