You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You need Xanax blowdarts
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
