I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
