Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
