I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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