Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
