Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
