Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
