You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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