Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
