Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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