am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
