Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
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