I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
