he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
