I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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