so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
