My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
