my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
