It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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