oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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