I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We have started to decorate penises.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
