After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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