Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
