I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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