so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
