There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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