first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
