if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
