I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
