You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
