Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
