maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
