I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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