If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
