There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you win again, gameday.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
