Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
