happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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