I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
