Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
