this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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