mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
