Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
