the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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