dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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