She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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