Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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