Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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