Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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