Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
